Ready, Set, GO!

My little baby boy is not so little anymore! He's almost 9 months old. He's a little chunkster, so he has a hard time moving around, but he's trying so hard to crawl! I took some pictures of my little man today:

Baby Aiden

So, I have this great friend named Katie. It would take me months to tell the story of our friendship, and I only have a few minutes. But I can sum it up like this: I met Katie when I was thirteen (which was that very rough time in my life) She is a GREAT listener, and a good person who will do anything for those she loves. I chose Katie to be Ally's Godmother as a means to keep Katie in my life, and I'm so happy that I did! Katie lives about 4 hours away now, so I don't see her very often, but she is the type of friend that I can see once a year, and we can pick up right where we left off. Anyway... Katie had a baby boy named Aiden, on July 2nd. She came to Ohio for the week, so of course I had to meet him (and take pictures). As you will see from these pics, he's a beautiful little boy!

Cold Feet Resolved

With our wedding coming up in just four short weeks, I've been thinking more about the meaning of marriage. To me, I always thought marriage was a piece of paper, and that was it. The only reason why I was even marrying Jason, was because I knew I was going to be with him forever, and I didn't want my kids to go around school with a different last name than their mother. But that is a very sad way to look at marriage.

So, I started actually googling "the meaning of marriage," and the "purpose of marriage." After clicking on the second link that interested me, I found this site which explains marriage beautifully, and actually makes me more excited to be married. The last paragraph, in the "Addendum" sums it up best:

"However, those who enter into marriage with the intention of finding perfect romantic fulfillment, have entered it with self-centered motives and will therefore find great disappointment. The best romantic love is fostered in a marriage in which both partners have served one another selflessly. Their love has grown, because they have been won by the other's devotion. May we all foster great romantic love in our marriages by our selfless service to our mates."

I never believed in "cold feet" either. I always thought that was a sign that you really shouldn't be getting married. But I think what I was going through was my own form of "cold feet." This website really relieved a lot of that. I LOVE how it explains that love is not about fulfilling your own romantic needs. I hope I can live by this ALWAYS!!!


Here is the link to the rest of the site:
http://www.familyministries.com/marriage_purpose.htm

Are we there yet?!

I finally got both kids to sleep at the same time today, and I should really be using this time to take a nap! But for some reason, I can't sleep. I really. really. REALLY need a break though!! I am just feeling so completely exhausted. I didn't go out last weekend with Jason or a friend, because I'm trying to save for Vegas, but I probably should have done something. I feel like I can't be a good friend, fiance, or mom without refueling at least once a week. And I have no idea how I'm going to make it to Saturday without any "me" time.

I think this week has been particularly hard for me for several reasons. The main one, is that I haven't been sleeping. Evan got two teeth within seven days, and he was not a happy boy. I felt so bad for him, and he was having a lot of trouble sleeping (waking up for hours at a time during the night!) Another reason that last week, and this week are so hard, is because of the weather. It might as well be winter with the way the humidity is out there. We can't go outside to play, so we're pretty much stuck inside all day. Then, when Jason comes home, he likes to take Ally to different places to play, so I'm stuck at home some more with Evan (the crabby 8 1/2 month old) Don't get me wrong, I love to spend time with both of my kids, but it would be nice to get out once in a while!

I feel like I have also been letting myself go lately. My hair is a mess, and I usually just throw it up into a ponytail during the week. Since I haven't been oustide, I am also losing my tan. And to top everything off, I'm breaking out like I'm thirteen again! I don't know if it's stress, no sleep, my poor diet, the humidity, or everything put together... but my face looks terrible! I am also having a hard time losing any more weight. I would really like to lose at least five more pounds to feel good at my wedding. I started my strict diet (aka starving myself) back up. So, the combination of zero sleep, feeling ugly, and being hungry all the time, is really not helping out my mood at all!!

I just need to keep telling myself that I only have FOUR more weeks until Vegas. Part of me feels selfish for looking so forward to this vacation. I know I will miss my kids to death while I'm gone. But I NEED this break! I NEED to feel pretty for at least one day! And I NEED to let loose and relax for a bit.

Thanks for listening to me vent!

Feathersword

Ally got her hair cut tonight, and she had some feathers put in. It turned out super cute!! :)

Jason always jokes around with her, and calls her Feathersword. I guess it's from an episode of "The Wiggles." I think her nickname goes perfect with her new hair!

Update on the kiddos

I don't know how I forgot to mention this in my previous blog, but Evan got his first tooth on Sunday! :) It's on his bottom left, and it looks like he'll have another one joining that one soon.

Ally is as beautiful as ever! She's still in gymnastics, and doing somersaults all by herself now! We're also practicing school with her, and she is SO smart! She knows all of her colors, most of her shapes, her entire alphabet (and can recognize about 90% of the letters) and she can count to twenty. I'm not sure where she gets her intelligence from but...

I'm a proud mommy!

Feeling Happier

After a stressful week last week, Jason and I enjoyed a MUCH needed, relaxing, and enjoyable weekend! Friday night was nothing special... just grocery shopping with the kids. Saturday night, Jason's parents watched Ally and Evan, and Jason and I headed out for the mall to look for a wedding band for me, (we never found one, but I did get an awesome bachelorette night dress) followed by sushi and drinks. Afterward, we went to a music festival with my friend Brittany, and Jason's brother and his wife. I found a knock off Coach purse, that I was quite pleased with! Overall, it was a darling night!

I got to sleep in today, which was wonderful. Shortly after I woke up, Jason and I went to Target to get some things for our trip (ONLY FIVE MORE WEEKS, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!)After that, we just got some things done for the wedding, and met up with our lovely babies at Jason's parents house. We swam and ate burgers. I LOVE Sunday dinners!

Now time for bed... I'm tired! Goodnight All!

I haven't posted any pictures in a while. This one was taken last month (June 22nd) but I just posted it as my profile picture on facebook, so I figured I'd share it here too!

learning who my REAL family is

Written on Friday July 15, 2011 @ 1:54pm (The internet is down again… go figure!)

So, my brother has decided to completely shut me out, because of my relationship with my mom. (Which has absolutely nothing to do with him!) I can’t lie, and say it doesn’t hurt me, especially because I haven’t done anything to him. But I realize that I cannot dwell on it, or let it bring me down. I have a feeling that my family thinks that I chose Jason’s family over them, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. What really happened, is when Jason’s family came into my ilfe, I realized what a real family is all about. I have done everything humanly possible to try to make my family a part of my life, and my children’s lives. But the minute I started dating Jason, they put this huge wall up. It really hurts me, because I honestly feel like I have not done anything wrong.

After a lot of thinking, and soul searching, I have come to this conclusion:
“Family members” do not use withholding their love as a weapon.
A “mother” does not leave her children.
A “grandmother” does not neglect her grandchildren.
A “sister,” upon hearing that her younger sister is pregnant, does not tell her to have an abortion.
A “brother” does not go to other people to build up an “army” against his sister, just because he does not like the way she deals with things.

I found this quote online today, and it is so very true.
“Family isn’t about whose blood you have, it’s about who you care about.”
I know who my real family is.

As sad as it is for me to accept, I do not belong in that “family” anymore. And I need to start thinking about the family that is most important to me. That is the family who lives under my roof with me. It’s the family I interact with day in, and day out. It’s the family who loves me unconditionally, and the family I also love unconditionally. That family is Jason, Ally, and Evan. Instead of cursing God for the way that my other “family” treats me, I need to thank him for the beautiful husband (soon to be, anyway) and children he has blessed me with.

I will end this now, so I can go play with my sweet 8 month old son.

Complicated

Why do things have to be so complicated right now? Why can't both families just fake it and pretend they like eachother, like every other family? This is really getting to me!! I do not like being in the middle of this mess one eansy weansy bit. Then again, I created this problem by venting my frustrations to Jason, who, in turn, let his parents know every bad thing about my family. So now his parents don't like my mom, and she's not invited to the reception. This causes my brother to write Jason and me a message on facebook stating confusion (really just nosiness) about why my mom isn't invited.

I want to be excited about my wedding, and I want people to be happy for us. I want to celebrate with everyone I love. Why does it have to be this way?! I can't ask Jason's parents to invite my mom, when they obviously don't want her there. I can't ask them not to have this reception that they've already paid for, and sacrifice a celebration of my marriage, for someone who probably doesn't want to be there anyway. I just wish his parents would have sucked it up, and pretended that they were indifferent about the situation, so there wouldn't be this huge elephant in the room whenever I talk to one of my family members. It also makes me angry that my brother and sister are siding with my mom on this, when they should simply not be taking sides to begin with. It really and truly has absolutely nothing to do with them.

I've just been so unbelievably stressed these days. I have the stress of taking care of two small children (one who is teething). I'm stressed about this wedding. I'm VERY stressed about this family drama that's going on. I'm stressed thinking about all the things we still have to get done before we go to Vegas. I'm stressed about our house not selling, and being cramped up in this two bedroom condo with two kids.

I know that I am very blessed, and I don't want to appear clueless about my blessings. But sometimes, I just want to SCREAM!!!!!

Ho Hum

I hate when I go a long time without updating, because I feel like I can't remember what has happened between now and the last time I wrote. And it just kind of makes me not feel ike updating at all. So, just to give a little summary: I've been busy with wedding planning, Ally stuck a bead up her nose (it's out now), and Jason is going in to have a vasectomy this week. Sounds exciting huh!?

Justice

Child killer, Casey Anthony was released to the streets today. She will be able to enjoy the privilege of being a free American citizen. Justice for Caylee was not served, and it sickens me!!!

So many people feel so emotional about this case. (How could you not, when you have the loss of a 2 1/2 year old, and a mother who is not even concerned?) Anyway, I tried to step back and look at this case objectively. After all, it is just as bad, if not worse to have an innocent person behind bars, as it is to have a murderer out on the streets. So, I took all of my emotions out of the situation, and just thought about the facts.

Which are: Casey was the last person who saw Caylee. Numerous witnesses testified that they smelled decomposition in the car. There was a decomposing hair in the car (doesn't matter that there was ONLY one... the point is that there was one) Casey was the only person who was driving that car. (Not one witness testified otherwise) Casey was searching for chloroform months before the murder. Casey borrowed a shovel from her neighbor. The duct tape, blanket, and garbage bags were all from Casey's house. There was a heart shaped sticker over the tape (shows a crime of passion) She lied to family, friends, and law enforcement. An innocent person doesn't do that! There were THREE pieces of duct tape over Caylee's mouth. There is absolutely no reason not to report an accident, or make one look like a murder. I just don't see REASONABLE doubt. Casey had the means, motive, and the oppurtunity.

And then, you have her parents. I cannot make heads or tails of them, and their strange actions. I really believe they know what happened to Caylee, but they were scared of losing their daughter too, and piled the lies on to help her out. I can't say what I would do if I were in their shoes, and I pray to God I am never in a situation even remotely close to this. But C'mon...

Anyway, this is really about Caylee. And that precious baby is free from the sick, sad, circus going on down here. She's painless. Emotionally. Physically. God will handle this case from here on out.

Rest in peace sweet baby!