Wordy Wednesday

Well, it's Wednesday, which means I should be doing my "Worldess Wednesday" post, but I just have too much going on to post a picture.

As you may have noticed, in my last post, I wrote a little letter to my mom about how I'm feeling toward her. I never sent it, and I probably never will, but it's crazy how much better I feel! I really could have gone on and on and on. I have a really hard time dealing with my relationship with her, and I am finally coming to terms with that. I will never have the "mother/daughter" relationship, in the daughter sense, but hopefully I can have it in the mother sense, with Ally.

I will never understand why she abandoned me. And I'm not talking about the physical part of her leaving. I'm talking about her emotional abandonment. I was starting to get over it, until I had kids. And after feeling the immense love that I have for both of them (EQUALLY!) I just cannot comprehend it. The lyrics at the end of my last post bring up so much emotion. That song is by Fuel, and it's called "Shimmer." It accidentally became my "theme song" during that rough patch in my life. I love having music to relate to, whether it be a happy or sad reminder! It's like someone else is singing the words in my heart.

Anyway... slight change of subject...

I was thinking the other day about how I can't stop talking about my kids and my wedding. I feel like a huge hypocrite, because before I had kids, and before I started planning a wedding, I would get SO ANNOYED by people who only talked about those things. I realize that my kids aren't as "cute" to other people as they are to me, and my wedding isn't as "interesting" as it is to me. But, those are both the biggest things I have going on in my life, and no matter how much I try to hold my feelings in, they just kind of pour out.

That's the reason why I love having this blog. I haven't hid it from anyone, but I also haven't told anyone that I have it. It's nice to have an area to just ramble to myself. It's an "ear" to listen when I have nobody else to talk to, or if I think that nobody really cares. I still hope that it fills up with more happy posts than sad. I'm guessing that's what everyone wants.

**Here is a collage of some things that I've already bought or would like to buy for the wedding. There is also a color palette that I've picked for the party that Jason's parents are throwing.**

Here's the garter I plan on ordering ;)