Mad at Myself

I am so upset with my weight right now, and it's not even about the number on the scale. It's very much about how I feel about myself, and I'm not feeling good. I know it's my own fault, because I rarely work out, and I eat like a fat cow. It really is hard though, and I get upset with Jason a little. He can work out after work whenever he wants to, but he acts like I'm making him lick a toilet when I ask him to watch the kids for an hour so I can go to the gym. He doesn't understand how much I NEED to go the gym. It doesn't just help me look better, it really is a stress relief. It would be the only time I would be able to have "me" time.

I'm 26 years old. I'm supposed to look awesome.... I HATE THIS!!! I HATE MY BODY!!! I want to cry.

I know I could look worse, and that I am whining about something quite trivial. But it makes me sad to think about it. I went on a website today that gives you a formula to calculate your ideal weight for your height and frame. Well, I weigh ten pounds more than I should... and I weighedmy ideal weight before I got pregnant the first time.

I wish I could run into the kitchen and throw away everything except the salad and the fruit. But I think that would be neglect, since my children would no longer have anything to eat.

UGH!!!!

Okay, Enough of my pity party. I think it's time to take action. Starting RIGHT NOW...

I need to DO SOMETHING about it, or it won't get better.

I am going to work out at least three times a week if it kills me. I am going to cut out my Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts Lattes. Let's say, I can have two a month.

No more cake unless it's a family birthday. No more muffins, or cookies, or Ally's junk food. As a matter of fact, I am going to buy her much healthier snacks. She doesn't need to learn how to eat junk like I do.

I don't want to fail again. I want to do this. I want to LOOK and FEEL great!!!!!!!! No... I don't want to I NEED to!!