Fixing the Problem

So... after my last blog... I started eating differently. It's only been four days, but I already feel so much better about myself. I've been eating fewer calories, and practically (and this is the hardest part) no sugar!! I only add sugar to my coffee... otherewise I've been eating food in it's natural form. And no cupcakes, muffins, cookies, cake... you get the idea. I also hit the gym on Monday. That has been much more challenging for me than watching what I eat. It just seems so hard to get out of this house without the kids. Jason put Ally and Evan to bed on Monday so I could go. I really appreciated it, and it made a huge difference in how I feel about myself!!! It's crazy. Obviously, I haven't really lost any weight yet, or gained much muscle, but just dieting and working out for a few days makes me feel SO much better!

It is getting hard though, I must admit. I just have to keep telling myself that this is not a diet. I don't want this to be temporary. I need to watch what I eat for months just go get to my goal weight, and then from there I still have to watch so I don't gain. I still wish I could eat whatever I want and look fantastic. But don't we all?!

The kids are doing great, except Ally has a cough. It makes me so angry, because on Tuesday when I picked her up there was a boy with a nasty cough, and I just looked at his mom like WTF are you thinking?! That night, when Jason and I were talking, he told me that he saw a boy there with a bad cough when he dropped her off. So, I doubt that it's just a coincidence that a boy was sick on Tuesday, and now Ally has, not a cold, but a barky cough. I want to kick the mother of that little boy. Like, seriously... it's PRESCHOOL!! Do you NEED to take your kid to school when he's sick? Thanks for sharing this virus you bitch. Okay, sorry... i get really irritated by this. It ruins our entire week, because usually it doesn't end with Ally. We also have a little baby in the house, and a mom who has to take care of them, and a dad who has to go to work to provide for them. So, it's not like any of us can afford to get sick. I would never take my kids to school if I knew they were sick. Especially preschool. Jerks.

Otherwise, everyone is well. And I am thankful for that! Ally is going to be Dorothy for Halloween. I kind of wish we would have done Little Red Riding Hood. Ally won't pick anything herself, so it was our job to do it this year. We ended up picking Dorothy per a few others' suggestions, because Evan is going to be a lion. His costume was easy to pick out. We were just walking through Target, and I saw this adorable little lion outfit, and thought it would be perfect for Ev.

He is as sweet as ever, by the way. He started saying "baby" yesterday. Clear as day. baby I love hearing his little voice say a real word, other than mama, dada babble. He rarely ever talks (how could he with his sister and me around all the time?) so it's super sweet when we hear his voice. He's not really showing an interest in walking yet, but I think that's just because he's so super effecient at crawling. Oh, he weighs 21 1/4 pounds, and he's got six teeth... four up top, and two on the bottom.

Ally, other than being sick right now, is doing great in preschool. I think she likes it, even though she doesn't talk about it much. She told me that she's learning about fire safety, so I thought that was cool. We didn't end up putting her in gymnastics or dance like we had planned. But she's taking a class at Gymboree with Evan. She likes it, but she seems a lot older than the other kids, even though it's a family class for up to five years old. We are planning on enrolling her in gymnastics in January, and she seems excited about it.

I guess that's all our news... I'm sure there's more, but I don't get much free time, so I think I'm going to go watch some TV and relax.

Much Love :)

Mad at Myself

I am so upset with my weight right now, and it's not even about the number on the scale. It's very much about how I feel about myself, and I'm not feeling good. I know it's my own fault, because I rarely work out, and I eat like a fat cow. It really is hard though, and I get upset with Jason a little. He can work out after work whenever he wants to, but he acts like I'm making him lick a toilet when I ask him to watch the kids for an hour so I can go to the gym. He doesn't understand how much I NEED to go the gym. It doesn't just help me look better, it really is a stress relief. It would be the only time I would be able to have "me" time.

I'm 26 years old. I'm supposed to look awesome.... I HATE THIS!!! I HATE MY BODY!!! I want to cry.

I know I could look worse, and that I am whining about something quite trivial. But it makes me sad to think about it. I went on a website today that gives you a formula to calculate your ideal weight for your height and frame. Well, I weigh ten pounds more than I should... and I weighedmy ideal weight before I got pregnant the first time.

I wish I could run into the kitchen and throw away everything except the salad and the fruit. But I think that would be neglect, since my children would no longer have anything to eat.

UGH!!!!

Okay, Enough of my pity party. I think it's time to take action. Starting RIGHT NOW...

I need to DO SOMETHING about it, or it won't get better.

I am going to work out at least three times a week if it kills me. I am going to cut out my Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts Lattes. Let's say, I can have two a month.

No more cake unless it's a family birthday. No more muffins, or cookies, or Ally's junk food. As a matter of fact, I am going to buy her much healthier snacks. She doesn't need to learn how to eat junk like I do.

I don't want to fail again. I want to do this. I want to LOOK and FEEL great!!!!!!!! No... I don't want to I NEED to!!

You & Me

Dave Matthews
You And Me

want to pack your bags something small
take what you need & we disappear
without a trace, we'll be gone, gone
The moon & the stars follow the car
& then when we get to the ocean,
we're going to take a boat to the end of the world...
all the way to the end of the world
oh and when the kids are old enough
we gonna teach them to flyyyyyyy

you & me together we can do anything, baby
you & me together yes, yes
you & me together we can do anything, baby
You & me together yes, yes

You & I we're not tied to the ground,
not falling but rising like, rolling around
eyes closed above the roof tops
eyes closed we're gonna spin through the stars
our arms wide as the sky, we gonna ride the blue
all the way to the end of the world,
to the end of the world

oh and when the kids are old enough
we gonna teach them to flyyyyyyy

(chorus)
you & me together could do anything, baby
you & me together yes, yes
you & me together we can do anything baby
You & me toghter yes, yes

we can always look back at what we did
always remembering you & me baby
But right now it's you and me forever girl
you know we could do better than anything that we did
you know that you and me we could do anything

you & me together c' do anything, baby
you & me together yeah, yeah

two of us together we c' do anything, baby
you and me together, yeah yeah
the two of us together yeah, yeah
the two of us together, we can do anything baby


something small, told her at least, the end of the world,

Happy Eleven to Evan! :)

My little man is eleven months old today! I have no idea what we're going to do for his party. Jason wants to do an Elmo theme, because Evan LOVES to watch Elmo. I want to do a "boy" theme... like trucks or dinosaurs or something of that sort... but we shall see!

We're having his party at our house. The party will be on November 6th, which is the day before his birthday. I still have to work on the invitations, but I don't know which ones to order without knowing the theme. I guess we do have to decide that soon! I really want to get him a special cake. There is a place by us that does awesome three tier cakes, and the top tier is the smash cake. I just feel like he deserves a special cake since we aren't having a big party for him.

Anyway, here are the pics from my beautiful boy's latest photo shoot...

Evan's First (Official) Haircut

Evan got his first haircut a few days ago... I say it's his first "official" haircut, because we've trimmed it ourselves before, but this time we actually took him into the salon to get it done. He did not like it at all, but he was a good boy, and didn't even cry. As you can probably tell by the picture that I posted recently, of him in the Superman shirt, he really needed it! You better believe I got photos of him getting his cut, and you better believe I'm sharing! ;)

You can tell by his face, that he wasn't thrilled!


*I checked this morning for news on baby Lisa, and noticed that she is still missing... :( I'm still praying that she comes home safely, right now!!*

Missing Baby In Missouri

A Facebook friend of mine just posted this link...

Amber Alert: Kansas City Infant Believed to Have Been Abducted from Crib - ABC News

The article is about a little 10 month old girl who police believe was abducted from her crib last night. Having a baby of the same age, I feel for those poor parents who are missing/desperately searching for their baby girl. My heart breaks when I read things like this. Who would be so sick as to take a sweet baby away from her mommy and daddy?!! I am praying that God returns this baby safely to her parents AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!

No More Toxic Waste

I can honestly say that I feel better now that my selfish family has been cut out of my life. I don't have that negative aura hanging over me. But what does make me sad, is dealing with the loss of what I wanted. I wanted a sister that I could share my biggest secrets with. I wanted a brother that I could hang out with, and joke around with. I wanted a mother that I could call every day, to share details about my life.

But that's not the family I was born into.

On a happier note, here is the most beautiful baby boy in the world.

I love him, and I think it really sucks for them, that they won't even have the chance to get to know him.