What is wrong with me!!? UGH!

Lately, I have been feeling so unhappy. I am also feeling so very angry at everyone and everything. I don't want to be this way AT ALL, and I wish I knew how I could make all this negativiy go away. I am freaking out about the wedding, in ways I NEVER thought I would. I am about to get married to Jason, and I don't know if I have ever felt more unloved by him than I do right now. He seems so uninterested in me, and in our relationship. I know we already have two kids together, and are practically married already... but that is no reason to get married. If he doesn't want to be with me, then why wouldn't he just say it? I don't care how much planning we've done, nothing is final until we say "I do." Maybe I need to have a talk with him. I don't know. Maybe I'm just insecure. I dont know. I don't know. I don't know. What I do know, is that we only have two weeks to figure this out. I want to cry.

It doesn't help that I have a family full of selfish people, who don't know how to support their sister/daughter. At every important moment in my life, I have been shut out by them. When I started dating Jason, my mom, sister, and brother treated Jason like crap, and stated thier dislike for him (to me). When I first moved in with Jason, not one person in my family could make it to our house warming party. When I got pregnant with Ally, my sister told me that I had made a mistake and I needed to have an abortion. WHAT!? Now I'm about to marry Jason, and my brother and sister have decided to turn their backs on me, because they don't like how I am handling my relationship with my mother. I just don't get it.

I know I am just sulking, and feeling sorry for myself. But I am in a funk and I can't help it.

To top it all off, as I am typing this, Jason is at his bachelor party. He insisted that he did not want one, but for some reason his brother pretty much forced the issue. So, I'm sitting her wondering what my fiance who I don't feel loves me, is doing at his bachelor party. I am also sitting here with the realization that tomorrow morning, Jason will be completely worthless to me, and I will be taking care of the kids by myself.