2nd round of letters

Since I never finished the first set of letters... I figure I will post some updated letters to my babies... so here goes:


Dear Ally,

As I write this letter today, you are 4 1/2.  Goodness, are you beautiful!! You love preschool, and catching bugs. You still love to draw, and color.  You love watching movies, and are finally at an age where you will sit and watch the whole thing.  You are so kind and compassionate.  When you and your brother are playing, and he wants what you have, you just give him whatever it is.  We always tell you that you don't have to, and that he can wait his turn, but you do it because you want to... because you are so full of love.  With strong emotion, comes a bit of the temper tantrums as well.  You still need to take a nap in the afternoons, and if you don't, you can be quite stubborn, and trying.  You really like to press my buttons sometimes! ;)  Something tells me that you are only going to want to do this more as you hit the teenage years! You are in gymnastics, and you are doing very well.  But even when you can't do something, you are so determined to keep trying, until you do.  I love your perseverance!  You are a great little communicator, and sometimes it amazes me the words you know.  You love to be read to, and you pretend that you can read yourself.  I know what I sound like now when I read to you, because you use the same tone that I do in your stories! You're so creative! Sometimes, I'm a little hard on you, because I want you to grow up to be happy and successful.  But I hope I am not too hard on you.  I hope you know that I love you and Evan more than anything in the world.  I would give you my life, if I had to.  I hope that I am giving you a good childhood, sweetheart!! I'm so proud of the little girl you are, and I can't wait to see what a wonderful woman you will become.  (well, I can wait a little while, because that will mean I'm getting old... and I don't want that!)

I love you,
Mom


Dear Evan,

Today, you are a month and three days shy of 2 years old.  You are just the funniest little man.  I'm beginning to think that your stubbornness is not a phase, but a personality trait! Hmm.. I wonder where you get that from?  Generally, though, you are an easy going, and happy-go-lucky little boy.  You are a great imitator.  Lately, you, Ally, and I, will play a game in the evening called, "copycat."  Ally and I will make up a sound and a motion, and you always pick up on it right away.  You're SO smart!! A few days ago, you memorized a pattern of shapes.  I couldn't believe it!  For as smart as you are, you say some funny made up words sometimes!  For instance, when you want chocolate milk, you call it "co-yo-yo" and you call Lucky Charms, "marshmellyoyoyo"  I think you're trying to say "marshmallow cereal!"  You still like to dance, but you stand now, and bounce at your knees!  You hate having your hair cut or washed.  Every time we do either, it's like a chore.  I think I dread it more than you do, because I feel so sad hearing you cry about it.  You love to watch Thomas the Train (you call it ca-ca choo choo) Elmo's Christmas or Elmo's Halloween, The Lorax, and every once in a while... Dora.  You're not a picky eater, but you don't eat very much.  If you're hungry, you'll have just about anything, but generally, you aren't very hungry.  You love to snack on chips, and your word for those is "Deps"  When you want more of them, you'll say "S'more Deps"  You LOVE your Cozy Coups.  You have a red one, and just recently we got you a blue minivan.  (sorry kid, it was the best I could find!)  I'm having such mixed feelings about your upcoming birthday.  I'm excited that you're getting older, and that I am fortunate enough to have spent another beautiful year watching you grow... but once you are two, you are officially not a baby anymore.  You are such a sweet baby, and I'm going to miss these cute little things you do.  But... I'm excited to watch you grow up into a young man too.

I love you Evan Michael,

Mom

When I tell someone that I'm unhappy about something, or that I'm having a bad day.... the last thing I want to hear, is that I'm sounding ungrateful, or that I need to suck it up.  It is possible to be grateful for what you have, and still feel unhappy/overwhelmed... which is exactly the case for me, at the moment.

Everyone should be allowed to complain, once in a while... and everyone should be allowed to have a bad day here or there.  Just because I know that I have a lot of good going on in my life, doesn't mean I can stop the tears from welling up in my eyes on a sad day.

It's just like when someone is sick, and someone is like "It could be worse... you could be dying of cancer."  Just because other people are dying from cancer, doesn't mean that the sick person can help feeling crappy.  A little bit of perspective helps once in a while... but it's not what a person needs when they are expressing unhappiness.  Shut up and listen to them!

(which, come to think of it, is advice I need to take when dealing with my sweet little Ally, who complains just about everything)

Sunday Night Blahs

Just feeling crummy tonight. I know exactly why, and I know that going to bed tonight, and starting the week shall cure it all... but I still can't help but let the sad feelings overtake me. Katie is mad at me, because I didn't go out with her for her birthday last night. She just told me about her birthday plans on Wednesday. Well, Jason and I had a wedding to go to on Friday night (the night before her bash) Friday night, I drank, and stayed out late for the wedding. The temperature on Friday was about 100 degrees (seriously) and it was an outdoor wedding... when we got home at midnight, I HAD to shower... I got to bed around 1:30. The next morning, Jason's parents came over at 9:30 to drop the kids off. Ugh. Jason had the bright idea of telling me to take a vicodin. He thought it would make me not care that I was tired. It just made me more EXHAUSTED... as well as nauseous and dizzy!! I had zero napping opportunities, and felt horrible all day. By the time the kids went to bed at 9:30, the last thing that was on my mind, was going out for drinks, or even just going out. I sent Katie a text to let her know I wouldn't make it. I was honest about why, and just told her I was too worn out from the night before. I never heard back from her about it. This morning, I texted her as soon as I woke up, and sent her a message on Facebook just to let her know I was thinking of her on her birthday. She got about 45 birthday messages and "liked" all of them, except for mine. Then sent me a text that said "no worries. thnx." Okay. So, she's obviously pissed off. Why not just say something?!?! It's high school immaturity at it's finest.

 But... let's just talk about the time she completely FORGOT about my birthday. Yeah, two years ago, when she was planning her wedding, she called me two days after my birthday to tell me that she was sorry, but she'd been so busy with her wedding that she forgot. REALLY?? Because, I'm a month away from moving into a very expensive house that we're in the middle of building, while I'm trying to take care of a toddler and a preschooler... as well as trying to start my own photography business. At least I remembered your birthday!!! Please forgive me if I'm not bursting with energy, and money to spend a night out that you told me about three days prior. It's not easy to get out of the house when I have two kids to care for. I'm sure my husband would just love to give both of our kids a bath, and put them to bed by himself....  So... I'm annoyed with that at the moment.

 I'm also unhappy because Jason has been on vacation from work for the past week, and he's returning tomorrow. So... back to the grind for us.

 Also, just sick of being here. I want our home to be done. I want to be in a routine there. I want a clean shower, and a working dishwasher, and a permanent address to give people. I want to have spending money again, so I can take the kids out during the week, or be able to go out with friends again. Just over this temporary in-between crap. That is all.

 Wait. Here's a photo from the weekend. I love it, because there aren't many photos of Jason and I together, these days.

Letters to my kids

Dear Ally,

As I write this, you are one month shy of four years old. Wow, time is flying!!! You are a very sweet, intelligent, and imaginative little girl, and I can't even remember life before you. Your favorite thing to do is arts and crafts! You would sit and paint, color, cut, and glue for hours if we let you. You're a total combination of girly girl and tomboy. You don't like princess stuff like most girls, and you hate playing with dolls. But you like putting on makeup and wearing pretty dresses. I think you feel a bit jealous of your little brother sometimes, but I also think he's your favorite person in the world. Every time I pick you up from preschool, you ask how he's doing, and what he's been up to for the day. You are always looking out for him too. Sometimes, I think you just like to yell at him, but most of the time, you are generally concerned for his well being. Even though you're only a little girl, you know such funny words and expressions. When you go to places you like, you tend to say "This was such a great adventure!" You love to play with daddy, especially when you guys pretend to fight. You also love to spend your time at Juju's and Pops' house, and sometimes it's hard to get you to leave after being there. I love getting to spend girls' days with you. Usually we just go out to lunch, or the mall, but I cherish that one-on-one time with you. Last time that we spent the day together, I told you that I was so glad that I had a little girl like you. You looked at me, and said "I'm so glad I have a mom like you." It made my heart melt! I will try to always remember that phrase, especially during your teenage years!! Not only are you sweet, but you're also very smart. You know your alphabet, can recognize all of your letters, can count to 50, and can write your name. You can write a lot of other letters too. And you know all of your colors. Your favorite movie, at the moment is "The Lion King." You saw it for the first time a few weeks ago, and now you like to watch it over, and over, and over.








Dear Evan,

As I write this, you are 15 months old. You are the coolest little boy I've ever met! I love this age that you're at, because you are the perfect mixture of baby and little boy. You still smell like a baby, and your skin is still extremely soft. But you are getting smarter, learning to talk, and getting into everything. You have a sense of humor, which I think is pretty cool. You LOVE to dance, and you'll dance to anything that has a rhythm. It's pretty cute, actually, because you dance while sitting. You move your arms around, and bounce up and down on your butt... so funny and adorable! You have a good appetite, and are much less of a picky eater than your big sister. Your favorite foods are cooked carrots, macaroni and cheese with broccoli, and spaghetti. You also seem to like mashed potatoes with ground up steak. You are such an easy going little boy (which I am SO grateful for) Unless you are sick or teething, you go to sleep very easily for me. But even though you are pretty easy going, boy do you have a temper when you don't get your way! We do our best not to take anything from you, unless it's for safety reasons, because you will throw you body down on the ground, and scream! I try my best to ignore you, in hopes that you will grow out of those tantrums! You are such a loving boy! You let me kiss you, and cuddle with you all the time. Sometimes, we'll watch TV, and you'll hold my hand the whole time. I will always remember how nice it is to snuggle with my baby Evan! :) You don't walk, yet. You usually get pretty mad at us when we try to make you, but when it's your idea, you do just fine with it. You've taken plenty of steps on your own, you just don't do it on a regular basis. I think you just don't feel like walking, because you are a master at crawling. You manage to get into everything... typical little boy!

Lousy Week

Well, my gynecologist thinks that I might have polycystic ovarian syndrome. I have to go in for testing this weekend, to find out for sure. I know this isn't the end of the world, but I am pretty anxiety ridden over it. Nobody ever wants to hear that they have anything wrong with them. It's not life threatening in, and of itself, but I will have to be on birth control, (even after Jason's vasectomy) as well as, diet and exercise for the rest of my life. I guess my chances of contracting heart disease are double, and from the little I know about the syndrome, diabetes is imminent. That, alone, crushes me.

I'm just sad today.

We're having a really bad week with the loan on the house, as well. Since we applied for the loan at the end of 2011, they average out Jason's income from 2009 and 2010, when he was making CONSIDERABLY less than he is making now. I also worked at that time, but they don't use my income, because my name isn't going to be on the loan... and I don't work anymore. So, it's not income that is still coming in. So, we are still going to be able to get the loan, but not until Jason works for a few more months to a) save more b) have more proof of income for this year

My heart is sad. :(

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

I know I'm due for an update here, but I really came here just to write about something that bothers me. I don't know why it bothers me, because it really has nothing to do with me, but...

Why are so many people just standing still in life? Don't they want to accomplish NEW things in their short time on earth? I'm far from being the most ambitious person in the world, but I still feel like I'm at least jogging on the sidewalk of life. These people I'm referring to, are just standing next to the sidewalk totally confused about what it even is.

I know too many people, who are about my age, who are content just doing the same things all the time. Some of them don't have jobs, or even go to college with hopes of eventually getting a job. Some of them, live with their parents (and I'm not talking temporarily). Some of them, have been in the same relationship for years, with no plans of getting married in the near future. Some of them, (and this is the one that really gets to me for some reason) just live to party. I don't get how hanging out in the bar/club scene is fun for anyone. It's a huge waste of money. There are a bunch of guys and girls trying WAY too hard. It's fun to go out and party every once in a while... but every night/weekend? I just. don't. get. it!

I know that some people could accuse me of moving too fast in life... with marriage and kids... but those things are what give my life meaning.(along with trying to start my photography business, building our home, trying to get in shape, and dreaming about how to go on at least one vacation a year.)

Aren't these people going to look back and wonder why they were just destroying this precious time?

I will never get it. It makes me want to scream at them "GET ON THE SIDEWALK!"

What's in a name?

The women of one of the blogs I regularly follow, created a post about why she chose her children's names. One of the things she said, was that the meaning was very important to her. When I named our children, I really just wanted names that Jason and I both loved. But, I do remember looking up the meanings as well. I think both of our kids have very sweet and wonderful meanings. Here are all of our names, and their meanings:

Shannon: God is gracious, Small, Wise One

Jason: He that will cure

Allyson: Of noble birth

Evan: Young warrior, Well-born

So, pretty cool I guess. We all have nice meanings attached to our names. I like how Jason's says "He that will cure" and he's a physical therapist. He's not a doctor or anything, but he does help people. I also like that mine says I'm wise. I should remind Jason of that when we're arguing :) I hope that Evan's name doesn't mean he's going to be too much of a fighter/enlist in the military. I'm all for serving the country, but I don't ever want to lose my little boy (or my little girl for that matter). And "of noble birth" She is our princess! :)